Yesterday I was browsing through the forums, taking notes and trying to find inspiration for this blog, when an online heated discussion ensued. This of course, is not unusual, particularly within the realms of PMDD. I have learnt that it should even be expected sometimes with so many hormonal women battling it out! However, yesterdays online rift stood out because it was talking in particular about finding a cure, what has worked for the individual sufferer, and how it could possibly work for us all as a generalized formula.
If only it were that simple? If only there were rules to this awful disorder? Why is there no fixed strategy?
What I found with my own disorder, and indeed the condition itself, is that its so different for each individual, that this in itself makes it particularly brutal and hard to fathom. Sometimes it even varies from month to month as we try out different remedies in the hope of lessening the symptoms. An example of this is to give up alcohol which has helped in so many cases, only to find that 2 months down the line the symptoms return, often with great ferocity which can leave us surprised and perplexed ! We had thought it was working!
Quite often we find ourselves lulled into a false sense of security as what has once worked gradually loses its efficacy. The online debates only fuel this as somebody uses a sugar free diet, and another sufferer finds that futile. One person gives up caffeine whilst another finds no change in symptoms at all! Its all so complicated as together we search endlessly for that one remedy that can serve us all.
Only one thing is certain and that is that one persons PMDD is never the same as another's, and the list of symptoms is so varied it only serves to confuse us and then leaves us endlessly frustrated as we then try another.
What we need to do is accept that we all have a different genetic make-up, and that makes us as complex and individual as the disorder itself. There is still so much we don't know, still so much to learn and this is what makes the forums so important as we learn, educate each other and strive to find that one strategy that may one day work! Its is what NAPMDD is working so hard for, what NAPS (London UK ) is working for, and is the hope for every single sufferer on the face of the planet.
As a general overview, clean and healthy living can only serve us all, regardless of whether we have the disorder or not! If we live on junk, don't make ourselves accountable for our own health and well being, our symptoms will always be worse. If we don't take on nutritious food and abuse our physical selves with drugs, alcohol, refined sugars and caffeine, of course we will suffer as our bodies cry out for a healthy regime. Exercise too is obviously a great weapon and simply must be used regularly and consistently. Vitamins and minerals which are often lacking in todays diet have also shown promising results, as has naturopathic and holistic remedies.
What I'm trying to say is that as much as we argue amongst ourselves, what has helped one particular women, may not help another. This is what we are finding and as long as we consistently swap tactics and dialogue, one day someone somewhere will find that one cure that we are all hoping for.
And HOPE has to be our philosophy for hope is all that we definitely have! It is the only thing that is certain with PMDD.
For those of you that have read my own memoir, I blame the Hormones, you will see that it wasn't one particular thing that worked for me, but a whole host of scientific intervention, healthy interaction and the correct medical professionals that bought about my cure. Everything came together, at just the right time, with the one strategy that has been working for me. I so pray that in the future there will be one perfect cure for the most awful of conditions, and that you too will find your own freedom from the PMDD that has no rules.
Blessings as always,
Suzi.
I Blame the Hormones can be downloaded on Kindle, PC, Smartphone, I pad or any tablet. It comes under the pseudonym of Caroline Church, and is available on Amazon.
Tuesday 10 November 2015
Thursday 5 November 2015
Is your SSRI the real deal? And can you be sure?
I've been busy this week researching about SSRI's and have been contacted by several people who have had a sudden and unexplained relapse. For those that have read my book 'I blame the hormones' you will know that it is often a case of trying to find the antidepressant that suits you, which can be tiresome and depressing in itself. One type may not agree with you, and its often a case of trial and error with this amazing medication. Once you have found the correct one, with the correct dosage, the effect can be miraculous and life transforming. You can also use them in conjunction with hormonal therapies for PMDD, and this double barrelled approach is often favoured by many women in the fight against hormonal mood disorders.
Why then do so many people have a sudden relapse? And why do so many have to increase the dose needed to maintain equilibrium?
Trawling through the numerous blogs and forums associated with depression and mood disorders, I was amazed to read that in the UK, our antidepressants are often the generic type and not the original brand at all. This means that they are a cheaper version of the original brand and often imported from a different source. Indeed many have noticed that each time they have received their new batch of SSRI's it seems to come form a different manufacturer every time. This then has a different effect on the system and can create a jolt of the same side effects that hit when they first started taking the drug.
There are scattered reports of people experiencing a return of side effects when they use a generic ,as different manufacturers can use different binding agents and non-active ingredients. This can affect the releasing rate into the system and result in the jitters, nervousness, anxiety and a return of depressive symptoms. Not realising that we are using a generic can cause unnecessary suffering and despite the chemists insistence that the drug is the same, the forums tell a different story entirely, with numerous people finding the transition difficult. In the UK the National health service routinely uses generics as a cheaper option, importing them rather than using the branded version which can be up to five times as expensive. It is worth then sticking to the same brand of generic, than chopping and changing manufacturer which can result in a possible relapse. Check the box every time to make sure that its the same generic that you are using.
Anti-depressant medication can be a powerful tool in the war against depression and I have used them over many years for this clinical condition, but please be aware if you have a sudden return of symptoms that you maybe using a version that isn't quite what it seems. In case your worried, the most often used are,
PROZAC-SERAFEM (fluoxetine)
ZOLOFT (sertraline)
PAXIL (paroxetine)
CELEXA (citalopram)
Anything else that uses another manufacturer is probably a cheaper version and is therefore a generic. To be sure of anything, always check with your doctor particularly if you relapse suddenly and without cause.
Blessings as usual, Suzi. AKA Caroline Church.
I Blame the Hormones is available on Kindle, Smartphone, PC, tablet or I-phone and can be ordered from Amazon.
Why then do so many people have a sudden relapse? And why do so many have to increase the dose needed to maintain equilibrium?
Trawling through the numerous blogs and forums associated with depression and mood disorders, I was amazed to read that in the UK, our antidepressants are often the generic type and not the original brand at all. This means that they are a cheaper version of the original brand and often imported from a different source. Indeed many have noticed that each time they have received their new batch of SSRI's it seems to come form a different manufacturer every time. This then has a different effect on the system and can create a jolt of the same side effects that hit when they first started taking the drug.
There are scattered reports of people experiencing a return of side effects when they use a generic ,as different manufacturers can use different binding agents and non-active ingredients. This can affect the releasing rate into the system and result in the jitters, nervousness, anxiety and a return of depressive symptoms. Not realising that we are using a generic can cause unnecessary suffering and despite the chemists insistence that the drug is the same, the forums tell a different story entirely, with numerous people finding the transition difficult. In the UK the National health service routinely uses generics as a cheaper option, importing them rather than using the branded version which can be up to five times as expensive. It is worth then sticking to the same brand of generic, than chopping and changing manufacturer which can result in a possible relapse. Check the box every time to make sure that its the same generic that you are using.
Anti-depressant medication can be a powerful tool in the war against depression and I have used them over many years for this clinical condition, but please be aware if you have a sudden return of symptoms that you maybe using a version that isn't quite what it seems. In case your worried, the most often used are,
PROZAC-SERAFEM (fluoxetine)
ZOLOFT (sertraline)
PAXIL (paroxetine)
CELEXA (citalopram)
Anything else that uses another manufacturer is probably a cheaper version and is therefore a generic. To be sure of anything, always check with your doctor particularly if you relapse suddenly and without cause.
Blessings as usual, Suzi. AKA Caroline Church.
I Blame the Hormones is available on Kindle, Smartphone, PC, tablet or I-phone and can be ordered from Amazon.
Wednesday 7 October 2015
When you feel like running away.
Quite often with mood disorders, whether they be PMDD, Bipolar or Panic disorder there is an overwhelming compulsion to run away, and it has very serious implications for the sufferer. When I began writing 'I blame the Hormones', my own issues were so serious that I was running away regularly, often several times a month, and it left my family confused and terrified as they worried for my safety and state of mind. In actual fact, looking at my history, from a very young age I was often bailing out when the going got tough. This is what psychologists call 'a life long coping pattern' with my 'flight or flight ' system highly activated through no fault of my own.
So what exactly was I running away from? And why does this happen so often? Why are so many of us feeling the need to run away?
Speaking to many sufferers, mostly women, but also rarely some men, I'm kind of figuring it out and there's often a common theme amongst us, and that is, the dreaded 'mental chatter'. Here's a scene which I remember, have documented in my book, and is all too common with us sufferers.
A normal evening in my home is where I'm cooking dinner and I'm in the chatter zone with a relentless dialogue and commentary in my head. I'm pre-menstrual and every sound is heightened, magnified even, and it is continuously interrupting my train of thought. As it builds, I hold my ears closed as it is now becoming a physical pain. Gradually I start to feel suffocated, claustrophobic and almost immediately everything is out of control. The door knocks, the phones are ringing, the children are asking me questions and I am keyed up, on edge and ready to blow! The life sounds around me are too much, my breathing is shallow and I begin to tremble. Now, we've all had those scenarios, but the situation is different if you have an emotional disorder because its now magnified ten-fold, actually twenty-fold.
The mental chatter has now become an incessant dialogue of judgment, likes, dislikes and sheer rage at the outside world. Hatred fills every fibre of my being and I feel physical violence and an outburst is brewing. Recovery for me is now too late and I know it, as my body fills with adrenaline and cortisol. The thoughts are now speeding up, getting faster and faster and my head is filled with tension which is now reacting with my body. In fact I am no longer in the room at all as I am fully engaged with what is going on in my mind with an onslaught of mental movies even, and a tremendous sense of impending doom. I simply have to get out and that is that, I run away, out into the cold and I don't ever want to come back.
Sound familiar?
As we know, for every one of us that has the feeling of running away, there are actually many more that do, with the feeling simply overtaking and leaving little room for the repercussions. The impulse is there, it has been taken, and there is freedom from the persecution which your own mind has created.
Once out of the situation, the feeling continues for some time, leaving you with a crushing sense of remorse and guilt. Self-blame and unhappiness prevail as you contemplate a life with an illness out of your control. It truly is a terrible fate with origins sometimes stemming from childhood, stress, hormones, sometimes tragic life events and often clinical depression.
It is also extremely common with forums and helplines inundated with people needing to run away. Remember you are not alone, and I know just how awful this situation can be.
TRIGGER WARNING!
Quite often when I was extremely poorly I would be running away to end it all ,and it is my belief that is what drives people to suicide with an overriding compulsion to put an end to the situation that they are in. In hindsight, I was simply running away from myself, as once I was out of my dismal situation, I would sit in the car and think 'well what do I do now then?The feeling has abated, but its still there really, I just don't feel so overwhelmed! I'm still having the life-long battle with my own tortured self but I just needed to get away, I need to be 'quiet'. I need so much to be alone.
I need this silence.
With my own disorder in particular, I have learnt that female hormones cannot possibly metabolize in the presence of adrenaline and cortisol, so I really was in a situation out of my control. There was no possible way of recovery unless I had the silence and tranquillity needed, and I would urge any sufferers to do the same. It does and will pass if you allow yourself the space and room to breathe and gather you're thoughts, a quiet room for example. If you don't find that space, the sensory overload will trigger your fight or flight and the battle is lost as you escape anyway!
For those that don't suffer, until you have felt the overwhelming need and urge to run away, you can never comprehend it. It may even seem childish to you, selfish even, like a kind of childish tantrum that is impossible to understand. Well I can assure you it really is the most awful of situation, with no way out except the golden respite of silence. Judgment and ridicule will only lead to further remorse and guilt, with a possible exacerbation of symptoms, including insomnia and further depression. Family conflict will never be far away from the runner, and is often greatly misunderstood by those that are left behind.
To help your own feelings of fight or flight. I would recommend that you read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, which has helped me 'still' my mind enormously. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but he does explain how and why our minds have become so jumbled as we live in either the past or the future but never the present. This can lead to physical and emotional illness as our thoughts overwhelm us.
Don't forget to order your copy of my book 'I blame the Hormones' which explains perfectly why I needed to run away from it all and how I overcame it. The silence I've yearned for has finally arrived and it truly is amazing! You can download on PC, Smartphone, Kindle or I-pad and this powerful memoir could even save a life.
Blessings as usual.
Suzi, AKA Caroline Church.
So what exactly was I running away from? And why does this happen so often? Why are so many of us feeling the need to run away?
Speaking to many sufferers, mostly women, but also rarely some men, I'm kind of figuring it out and there's often a common theme amongst us, and that is, the dreaded 'mental chatter'. Here's a scene which I remember, have documented in my book, and is all too common with us sufferers.
A normal evening in my home is where I'm cooking dinner and I'm in the chatter zone with a relentless dialogue and commentary in my head. I'm pre-menstrual and every sound is heightened, magnified even, and it is continuously interrupting my train of thought. As it builds, I hold my ears closed as it is now becoming a physical pain. Gradually I start to feel suffocated, claustrophobic and almost immediately everything is out of control. The door knocks, the phones are ringing, the children are asking me questions and I am keyed up, on edge and ready to blow! The life sounds around me are too much, my breathing is shallow and I begin to tremble. Now, we've all had those scenarios, but the situation is different if you have an emotional disorder because its now magnified ten-fold, actually twenty-fold.
The mental chatter has now become an incessant dialogue of judgment, likes, dislikes and sheer rage at the outside world. Hatred fills every fibre of my being and I feel physical violence and an outburst is brewing. Recovery for me is now too late and I know it, as my body fills with adrenaline and cortisol. The thoughts are now speeding up, getting faster and faster and my head is filled with tension which is now reacting with my body. In fact I am no longer in the room at all as I am fully engaged with what is going on in my mind with an onslaught of mental movies even, and a tremendous sense of impending doom. I simply have to get out and that is that, I run away, out into the cold and I don't ever want to come back.
Sound familiar?
As we know, for every one of us that has the feeling of running away, there are actually many more that do, with the feeling simply overtaking and leaving little room for the repercussions. The impulse is there, it has been taken, and there is freedom from the persecution which your own mind has created.
Once out of the situation, the feeling continues for some time, leaving you with a crushing sense of remorse and guilt. Self-blame and unhappiness prevail as you contemplate a life with an illness out of your control. It truly is a terrible fate with origins sometimes stemming from childhood, stress, hormones, sometimes tragic life events and often clinical depression.
It is also extremely common with forums and helplines inundated with people needing to run away. Remember you are not alone, and I know just how awful this situation can be.
TRIGGER WARNING!
Quite often when I was extremely poorly I would be running away to end it all ,and it is my belief that is what drives people to suicide with an overriding compulsion to put an end to the situation that they are in. In hindsight, I was simply running away from myself, as once I was out of my dismal situation, I would sit in the car and think 'well what do I do now then?The feeling has abated, but its still there really, I just don't feel so overwhelmed! I'm still having the life-long battle with my own tortured self but I just needed to get away, I need to be 'quiet'. I need so much to be alone.
I need this silence.
With my own disorder in particular, I have learnt that female hormones cannot possibly metabolize in the presence of adrenaline and cortisol, so I really was in a situation out of my control. There was no possible way of recovery unless I had the silence and tranquillity needed, and I would urge any sufferers to do the same. It does and will pass if you allow yourself the space and room to breathe and gather you're thoughts, a quiet room for example. If you don't find that space, the sensory overload will trigger your fight or flight and the battle is lost as you escape anyway!
For those that don't suffer, until you have felt the overwhelming need and urge to run away, you can never comprehend it. It may even seem childish to you, selfish even, like a kind of childish tantrum that is impossible to understand. Well I can assure you it really is the most awful of situation, with no way out except the golden respite of silence. Judgment and ridicule will only lead to further remorse and guilt, with a possible exacerbation of symptoms, including insomnia and further depression. Family conflict will never be far away from the runner, and is often greatly misunderstood by those that are left behind.
To help your own feelings of fight or flight. I would recommend that you read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, which has helped me 'still' my mind enormously. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but he does explain how and why our minds have become so jumbled as we live in either the past or the future but never the present. This can lead to physical and emotional illness as our thoughts overwhelm us.
Don't forget to order your copy of my book 'I blame the Hormones' which explains perfectly why I needed to run away from it all and how I overcame it. The silence I've yearned for has finally arrived and it truly is amazing! You can download on PC, Smartphone, Kindle or I-pad and this powerful memoir could even save a life.
Blessings as usual.
Suzi, AKA Caroline Church.
Tuesday 29 September 2015
The cure I've found for aches and pains and my experiment.
Greetings all. Firstly I am absolutely delighted by all the reviews I'm getting for my book 'I blame the hormones'! It makes such a difference when people take the time out of their busy day to write to me and give me feed back. It makes it all worthwhile and I know it helps others too, so thank you so much.
I want to also tell you about my ongoing battle with my aches and pains, particularly my restless legs which has almost driven me to distraction over the years and is a common complaint among us females! Even though the pains in my legs have reduced considerably since I had a hysterectomy (I've no idea why), I still suffer greatly, particularly if I'm over tired or stressed. Although it is a widely accepted ailment, very little is known about what causes it or why it happens. Aching joints and muscles really are a pain in the neck!
After another particularly restless night, I put out a post in a forum and asked other sufferers how they dealt with it and two things became apparent. It was suggested that low magnesium and iron were to blame, and I should increase my supplementation immediately. This of course I did, and within a week or so the sensations in my legs had ceased to exist . I felt far more energised which too was an added bonus, and I no longer suffered after exercising.
I can't tell you how relieved I felt because quite often I would have to sleep with my legs up against the wall to help with the pressure. This issue has plagued me since childhood where I would cry out in the night whilst my mum would simply say that it was 'growing pains' and was to be expected. Some forty years later I'm still suffering with the Postnatal and Pre-menstrual period quite often being agonising. Although I was sceptical, I was willing to try anything particularly as I was now in the menopause and had only had a brief respite after my operation.
Just too be sure that the supplementation of iron and magnesium wasn't the result of the placebo effect, last week I accidently purposefully ran out so I couldn't take them. I was desperate to see if I would go back to the dreaded aches and pains, and guess what? I did! Within a ten day period I had relapsed with the heaviness and dragging sensations in my muscles. I also have wrist pain and a tense neck along with a crippling sense of fatigue and lethargy. By Sunday I had truly hit a wall of exhaustion which even an afternoon nap couldn't shake off. Its truly dreadful and sometimes feels like the flu. I had conducted my own experiment with crippling results and M.E symptoms predominating.
I'm happy to say that yesterday, Monday, I had replenished my supplies of iron (I use Feroglobin or Floradix depending on my budget ) and I can immediately tell the difference some 24 hours later with no exaggeration. I also use a high end Magnesium with vitamin B complex and a fish oil three times daily. I also am a regular juicer and use Spirulina, Chlorophyll and wheatgrass which I take in powder form in my Nutri-bullet.
What seems to happen however, is once I feel better ,I forget how awful I felt, forget to take them and so the cycle goes on. I guess the way to do it is to put aside a time in the day to take them religiously and never stop despite the way one feels. When will I grasp it?
And is this not a familiar pattern with us buying an endless supply of minerals and vitamins and then not using them?
I need to take control, and so my time is now, at 9.30 with my morning coffee, come rain or shine and regardless of what my busy schedule is. I absolutely must make it a priority, as my experiment has shown. To not do so I have proved is detrimental to my health and completely ridiculous. I've also now promised to supplement my children, particularly as one approaches puberty and another is a teenager with the junk food diet that his age group so often consumes.
Thanks for reading and happy supplementation. I hope my experience helps you too with the dreaded aches and pains.
Suzi at www.iblamethehormones.com
I Blame the hormones is available now on Amazon, by Caroline Church
I want to also tell you about my ongoing battle with my aches and pains, particularly my restless legs which has almost driven me to distraction over the years and is a common complaint among us females! Even though the pains in my legs have reduced considerably since I had a hysterectomy (I've no idea why), I still suffer greatly, particularly if I'm over tired or stressed. Although it is a widely accepted ailment, very little is known about what causes it or why it happens. Aching joints and muscles really are a pain in the neck!
After another particularly restless night, I put out a post in a forum and asked other sufferers how they dealt with it and two things became apparent. It was suggested that low magnesium and iron were to blame, and I should increase my supplementation immediately. This of course I did, and within a week or so the sensations in my legs had ceased to exist . I felt far more energised which too was an added bonus, and I no longer suffered after exercising.
I can't tell you how relieved I felt because quite often I would have to sleep with my legs up against the wall to help with the pressure. This issue has plagued me since childhood where I would cry out in the night whilst my mum would simply say that it was 'growing pains' and was to be expected. Some forty years later I'm still suffering with the Postnatal and Pre-menstrual period quite often being agonising. Although I was sceptical, I was willing to try anything particularly as I was now in the menopause and had only had a brief respite after my operation.
Just too be sure that the supplementation of iron and magnesium wasn't the result of the placebo effect, last week I accidently purposefully ran out so I couldn't take them. I was desperate to see if I would go back to the dreaded aches and pains, and guess what? I did! Within a ten day period I had relapsed with the heaviness and dragging sensations in my muscles. I also have wrist pain and a tense neck along with a crippling sense of fatigue and lethargy. By Sunday I had truly hit a wall of exhaustion which even an afternoon nap couldn't shake off. Its truly dreadful and sometimes feels like the flu. I had conducted my own experiment with crippling results and M.E symptoms predominating.
I'm happy to say that yesterday, Monday, I had replenished my supplies of iron (I use Feroglobin or Floradix depending on my budget ) and I can immediately tell the difference some 24 hours later with no exaggeration. I also use a high end Magnesium with vitamin B complex and a fish oil three times daily. I also am a regular juicer and use Spirulina, Chlorophyll and wheatgrass which I take in powder form in my Nutri-bullet.
What seems to happen however, is once I feel better ,I forget how awful I felt, forget to take them and so the cycle goes on. I guess the way to do it is to put aside a time in the day to take them religiously and never stop despite the way one feels. When will I grasp it?
And is this not a familiar pattern with us buying an endless supply of minerals and vitamins and then not using them?
I need to take control, and so my time is now, at 9.30 with my morning coffee, come rain or shine and regardless of what my busy schedule is. I absolutely must make it a priority, as my experiment has shown. To not do so I have proved is detrimental to my health and completely ridiculous. I've also now promised to supplement my children, particularly as one approaches puberty and another is a teenager with the junk food diet that his age group so often consumes.
Thanks for reading and happy supplementation. I hope my experience helps you too with the dreaded aches and pains.
Suzi at www.iblamethehormones.com
I Blame the hormones is available now on Amazon, by Caroline Church
Thursday 10 September 2015
Suicide prevention for all.
This week in the United Kingdom it is suicide prevention week and I would like to tell you how I helped 2 people who were both suicidal and in crisis emotionally. Its no secret to all of my followers that for most of my adult life I have had suicidal thoughts and urges through no fault of my own. For those that have read 'I blame the Hormones' you will know of my journey, what caused it and how it was resolved. Because of this , I am particularly interested in preventing suicide and helping people understand the causes and reasons why someone would want to die by suicide. I am cautious about using the words 'commit' because of the harsh undertones and associated stigma. I believe that the person who has passed was suffering from intolerable psychological pain and quite often had spent sometime, 25 years in my own case,desperately trying to survive. Suicide is not a personality flaw or a selfish act, but rather an ending to an ongoing and private battle that is quite often going on behind a mask of smiles, and quite often a dynamic personality. The late Robin Williams is a perfect example of this and this adds to the shock and confusion for those left behind.
Once I knew that my two friends were struggling, I asked them to bear me in mind if their suicidal impulses were too strong that they thought that they might cause themselves harm. I asked that they contact me as a matter of urgency and I would help them both which they did. Incidentally they had both made attempts before so I knew that they were both in danger and needed help with both of them showing signs of mental instability and illness.
So how did I do it?? What did I say?
The answer is I talked to them, lots. I talked to them about the trees and the woods and all things in nature. We spoke about how awful their illness is and how overwhelming the urges can be. We spoke about children and animals and I held their hands and told them I cared and that the feelings and urges would pass. In other words, I distracted them, and they knew that I would be here for them. I also asked if they wanted to go to hospital, (one did and one didn't) but I was able to contact the crisis team on their behalf and so help was now on the way. I passed the time in any way I could and we discussed all the good things about staying and not going away, even though sometimes its hard to find reasons to live in a world full of anguish. I told them that they might like to wait a while because after all you are a long time dead, so you might as well just stay for a bit longer and see how things work out! All of these things seemed to work, although the road for the suicidal is often complex and long. Quite simply we just chatted about our day to day lives and how we could change the outcome for them with all the things to live for. I was there for them, they knew I was there and the sense of isolation was over.
If you are suicidal and immediate danger I would simply pick up the phone. It maybe to a trusted friend, a family member or a crisis line (in the UK we have The Samaritans) for example. There are also forums online where you can talk things over anonymously and without judgement, quite often with someone that has been where you are. PICK UP THE PHONE. Go online, someone is there, someone will help always. Tell a friend, tell someone, even a stranger on the street that you feel unsafe and you need help urgently.
Incidentally, and to enable us to understand this awful tragedy taken by so many, the word that both of my friends used time and time again was TRAPPED. They felt trapped by their illness, trapped by their situation and had nowhere else to go with it. So of course this ending has nothing to do with dying at all, but an ending to an unendurable emotional pain with a sense of freedom in the subsequent oblivion that follows the suicide. A better place to be no less for the sufferer and his terminal pain, which of course isn't terminal anyway.
For further information for those touched by suicide, and to help prevent suicide, I would firstly read anything by Dr Edwin Schneidmann who studied for some 50 years and has written several books on the subject. He first coined the phrase 'psyche-ache'' and helped us to understand the frustrations felt by the sufferer and the sense of regret. Or contact Suicide.org who have a whole host of information and will help you if you can no longer cope and want to leave this world. And remember, someone somewhere loves you and even when you cant see it, they really really do. Make that call and wait a while ,is my advise to all.
The Samaritans-08457909090
Suicide Prevention-1-800-784-2433
Please, please share this blog today, it may help save a life.
Blessings as usual, Suzi.
'I blame the Hormones' is available now on Amazon and written under the Pseudonym of Caroline Church.
Once I knew that my two friends were struggling, I asked them to bear me in mind if their suicidal impulses were too strong that they thought that they might cause themselves harm. I asked that they contact me as a matter of urgency and I would help them both which they did. Incidentally they had both made attempts before so I knew that they were both in danger and needed help with both of them showing signs of mental instability and illness.
So how did I do it?? What did I say?
The answer is I talked to them, lots. I talked to them about the trees and the woods and all things in nature. We spoke about how awful their illness is and how overwhelming the urges can be. We spoke about children and animals and I held their hands and told them I cared and that the feelings and urges would pass. In other words, I distracted them, and they knew that I would be here for them. I also asked if they wanted to go to hospital, (one did and one didn't) but I was able to contact the crisis team on their behalf and so help was now on the way. I passed the time in any way I could and we discussed all the good things about staying and not going away, even though sometimes its hard to find reasons to live in a world full of anguish. I told them that they might like to wait a while because after all you are a long time dead, so you might as well just stay for a bit longer and see how things work out! All of these things seemed to work, although the road for the suicidal is often complex and long. Quite simply we just chatted about our day to day lives and how we could change the outcome for them with all the things to live for. I was there for them, they knew I was there and the sense of isolation was over.
If you are suicidal and immediate danger I would simply pick up the phone. It maybe to a trusted friend, a family member or a crisis line (in the UK we have The Samaritans) for example. There are also forums online where you can talk things over anonymously and without judgement, quite often with someone that has been where you are. PICK UP THE PHONE. Go online, someone is there, someone will help always. Tell a friend, tell someone, even a stranger on the street that you feel unsafe and you need help urgently.
Incidentally, and to enable us to understand this awful tragedy taken by so many, the word that both of my friends used time and time again was TRAPPED. They felt trapped by their illness, trapped by their situation and had nowhere else to go with it. So of course this ending has nothing to do with dying at all, but an ending to an unendurable emotional pain with a sense of freedom in the subsequent oblivion that follows the suicide. A better place to be no less for the sufferer and his terminal pain, which of course isn't terminal anyway.
For further information for those touched by suicide, and to help prevent suicide, I would firstly read anything by Dr Edwin Schneidmann who studied for some 50 years and has written several books on the subject. He first coined the phrase 'psyche-ache'' and helped us to understand the frustrations felt by the sufferer and the sense of regret. Or contact Suicide.org who have a whole host of information and will help you if you can no longer cope and want to leave this world. And remember, someone somewhere loves you and even when you cant see it, they really really do. Make that call and wait a while ,is my advise to all.
The Samaritans-08457909090
Suicide Prevention-1-800-784-2433
Please, please share this blog today, it may help save a life.
Blessings as usual, Suzi.
'I blame the Hormones' is available now on Amazon and written under the Pseudonym of Caroline Church.
Wednesday 9 September 2015
Wednesday 17 June 2015
Im back up and running!!
Hello folks , I'm happy to say I'm back up and running after a period of quiet reflection! I feel so sorry that I haven't been there for you, but for those of you that don't know me, I will be repeating my previous blogs over the next coming weeks in the hope that I can reach out to you and raise awareness of mood disorders.
Many of you will know me from the publication of my book 'I blame the hormones' and be familiar with me, but for those of you who haven't read it, please do so and give me your feedback. I'm always anxious to hear from any sufferers, particularly those that have suffered from Postnatal Depression, Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder and any reproductive depression. I'm also in contact with two leading professors and am passing on any relevant findings, confidentially of course. I'm also on the board of directors at National association of PMDD and panel member of Action on Menstrual Psychosis which brings me to my next point.
Professor Ian Brockington who is one of the most interesting and kind individuals I have ever had the privilege to meet, has set up this panel in the hope of gaining extra insight and even extra funding . He has just come out of retirement, after years of helping poorly women and was the first doctor to set up mother and baby units in the UK. He has helped thousands of women and their babies and is passionate about researching the causes of reproductive mood disorders. I'm so grateful for his input in my life, his knowledge and compassion is humbling, and the newsletter he send me is extremely informative. If you are interested in his work you can find him easily enough on google where he has posted his latest papers and findings. He is also interested in case studies if you are willing to provide one.
I'm so thankful to be able to help this cause, to raise awareness and to help any sufferers I can. Please drop me a line, tell me your stories and share this page. It helps reach out to others, and could even save a life which is something that is very important to me
Blessings as always, Suzi, AKA Caroline Church.
Many of you will know me from the publication of my book 'I blame the hormones' and be familiar with me, but for those of you who haven't read it, please do so and give me your feedback. I'm always anxious to hear from any sufferers, particularly those that have suffered from Postnatal Depression, Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder and any reproductive depression. I'm also in contact with two leading professors and am passing on any relevant findings, confidentially of course. I'm also on the board of directors at National association of PMDD and panel member of Action on Menstrual Psychosis which brings me to my next point.
Professor Ian Brockington who is one of the most interesting and kind individuals I have ever had the privilege to meet, has set up this panel in the hope of gaining extra insight and even extra funding . He has just come out of retirement, after years of helping poorly women and was the first doctor to set up mother and baby units in the UK. He has helped thousands of women and their babies and is passionate about researching the causes of reproductive mood disorders. I'm so grateful for his input in my life, his knowledge and compassion is humbling, and the newsletter he send me is extremely informative. If you are interested in his work you can find him easily enough on google where he has posted his latest papers and findings. He is also interested in case studies if you are willing to provide one.
I'm so thankful to be able to help this cause, to raise awareness and to help any sufferers I can. Please drop me a line, tell me your stories and share this page. It helps reach out to others, and could even save a life which is something that is very important to me
Blessings as always, Suzi, AKA Caroline Church.
Tuesday 3 March 2015
How to download my book in digital format.
I've absolutely lost count of the number of times people have asked me how to download my book and in actual fact, being a complete technophobe, I wasn't even sure myself! I BLAME THE HORMONES as everybody now knows, has been written with the sole intention of raising awareness of a crippling and often misunderstood condition suffered by thousands of women worldwide.
As far as I'm aware, it is the first memoir of its kind, although as the condition called PMDD or Reproductive depression increases, and more sufferers discover their own illness, I daresay there will be more of these type of books published, and quite rightly so. The more books that are being sold, the more healthcare workers will begin to understand how awfully mean our female hormones can be!!
When you go to Amazon to download the book, you will notice that it is written under the pseudonym of Caroline Church. You will also see that there is the option to buy the book without a Kindle. You can then download the App onto your smartphone, PC or even an E-reader and then purchase the book in digital format. The good news is it only costs a single pound and is fairly quick to read (between an hour or two) which is perfect for the busy women, or indeed any man who wishes to know why their wives or girlfriends are struggling every month.
Once you have read the book, I would also be so grateful if you could write a review. The more reviews Amazon have, the more people can be reached. Perhaps after reading it, you can think of that one person, friend or relative who you also know is suffering with depression or any other mood disorder. It maybe that they have not yet realized the correlation between their own reproductive cycle, and their emotional issues, which can also lead to physical ill health too.
Please leave me a comment or message me if you have problems downloading this book and I will help all I can. God Bless. Suzi x
As far as I'm aware, it is the first memoir of its kind, although as the condition called PMDD or Reproductive depression increases, and more sufferers discover their own illness, I daresay there will be more of these type of books published, and quite rightly so. The more books that are being sold, the more healthcare workers will begin to understand how awfully mean our female hormones can be!!
When you go to Amazon to download the book, you will notice that it is written under the pseudonym of Caroline Church. You will also see that there is the option to buy the book without a Kindle. You can then download the App onto your smartphone, PC or even an E-reader and then purchase the book in digital format. The good news is it only costs a single pound and is fairly quick to read (between an hour or two) which is perfect for the busy women, or indeed any man who wishes to know why their wives or girlfriends are struggling every month.
Once you have read the book, I would also be so grateful if you could write a review. The more reviews Amazon have, the more people can be reached. Perhaps after reading it, you can think of that one person, friend or relative who you also know is suffering with depression or any other mood disorder. It maybe that they have not yet realized the correlation between their own reproductive cycle, and their emotional issues, which can also lead to physical ill health too.
Please leave me a comment or message me if you have problems downloading this book and I will help all I can. God Bless. Suzi x
Tuesday 24 February 2015
Can anyone help with my lowered immunity?
When people think about a depressive disorder, whether it be hormonally related or otherwise, they tend to think of the emotional aspects and not much else. However, anyone suffering will indeed have days where they feel very unwell as a result of their depression, and will often have multiple ailments too. This is often going hand in hand with the emotional disturbances and the whole system can become depressed, and even immune suppressed as the body suffers from the 'fight or flight' overload and adrenal exhaustion.
For years and years I have had multiple illnesses, allergies, sensitivities and an almost complete absence of immunity which has culminated in me picking up every circulating virus and bacteria. When you have children and a husband to look after its so frustrating and even harder to bear when people often make comments about you 'always being ill'. Sometimes I am ill so often I'm almost embarrassed to tell people, which does little for my self esteem and can even leave me feeling even more despondent as I despair of my own condition. Despite my emotional recovery, I still have this ability to be ill for most of the winter every year, and I can tell you its extremely difficult when you try every available remedy, holistic or otherwise in the hope that you can finally be well.
Since November I have had an almost continuous succession of illnesses and despite my reluctance to use antibiotics, I had a severe bout of flu and then the more horrendous tonsillitis which left me completely unable to cope. This is all despite taking a cupboard full of supplements, maintaining an exercise routine and being a regular juicer! I also practise mindfulness and deep prayer in the hope of a complete recovery! I have searched high and low, read every available text and spend at least £100 at Holland and Barrett a month, in the hope that there will be an end to my collapsed immunity which came after years of suffering from a hormonal illness. It really is a never ending nightmare and I feel so sorry for my family who have to cope with it too as I am often bed ridden.
However, there is one thing which I haven't tried, and as we approached lent I thought I would give it try, and that is to give up wheat or anything containing gluten in the hope that my body will strengthen. I will also give up dairy if I see no improvement as this winter has been so disheartening,and almost well, depressing. I also am concerned that the amount of illnesses that I get could result in a mutation of cells, or even worse, a relapse in my mental state and a return of my disorder. Both of these notions fill me with horror, particularly when I am trying so hard to maintain my equilibrium and spending a fortune on my health.
It reading this blog, you feel that there is anything else I could try which will boost my immunity, please let me know and I would be so happy to hear from you. It maybe that you too have had this issue and have found something helpful that I haven't yet tried.
Peace and love,
Suzi x
For years and years I have had multiple illnesses, allergies, sensitivities and an almost complete absence of immunity which has culminated in me picking up every circulating virus and bacteria. When you have children and a husband to look after its so frustrating and even harder to bear when people often make comments about you 'always being ill'. Sometimes I am ill so often I'm almost embarrassed to tell people, which does little for my self esteem and can even leave me feeling even more despondent as I despair of my own condition. Despite my emotional recovery, I still have this ability to be ill for most of the winter every year, and I can tell you its extremely difficult when you try every available remedy, holistic or otherwise in the hope that you can finally be well.
Since November I have had an almost continuous succession of illnesses and despite my reluctance to use antibiotics, I had a severe bout of flu and then the more horrendous tonsillitis which left me completely unable to cope. This is all despite taking a cupboard full of supplements, maintaining an exercise routine and being a regular juicer! I also practise mindfulness and deep prayer in the hope of a complete recovery! I have searched high and low, read every available text and spend at least £100 at Holland and Barrett a month, in the hope that there will be an end to my collapsed immunity which came after years of suffering from a hormonal illness. It really is a never ending nightmare and I feel so sorry for my family who have to cope with it too as I am often bed ridden.
However, there is one thing which I haven't tried, and as we approached lent I thought I would give it try, and that is to give up wheat or anything containing gluten in the hope that my body will strengthen. I will also give up dairy if I see no improvement as this winter has been so disheartening,and almost well, depressing. I also am concerned that the amount of illnesses that I get could result in a mutation of cells, or even worse, a relapse in my mental state and a return of my disorder. Both of these notions fill me with horror, particularly when I am trying so hard to maintain my equilibrium and spending a fortune on my health.
It reading this blog, you feel that there is anything else I could try which will boost my immunity, please let me know and I would be so happy to hear from you. It maybe that you too have had this issue and have found something helpful that I haven't yet tried.
Peace and love,
Suzi x
Sunday 1 February 2015
Did you have problems after childbirth and can you help with reserach?
Although I have written a similar blog to this, the subject is so important that I feel the need to ask again for further help with research. At present there is an ongoing research programme being conducted at Birmingham University which has huge implications for women suffering from emotional disturbances after childbirth. This will help scientists understand more about the factors that make some women poorly, and will lead to better prediction and treatments for anyone who has had mood disorders. Clearly with the recent dramatic rise in sufferers, it is vital that we improve our understanding and in particular prepare the next generation being that is often hereditary.
The BDRN or Bipolar disorder and Postpartum Research is conducting the largest study so far and 6000 individuals have already taken part in these studies. However more help is needed and as we already know that mood disorders have a genetic trait, blood samples are still needed in order to find a cure. I am one of the 6000 women who has already taken part and it couldn't have been more interesting. One of the researchers travelled for several hours to visit and interviewed me with regards to my own illness. She then took a blood sample which was analysed, along with thousands of others in the hope that it will shed some light on the evil that is Postnatal illness. I am delighted to be part of this cutting edge research which delves deep into the DNA and tries to isolate that gene or genes responsible. It had the added bonus of helping me understand the illness, and that it was something in my genetic make up and not of my own making. In other words, it freed me of the guilt so many of us sufferers have with regard to our own situations. It was unavoidable, and I was always going to be ill, just as some people have heart disease or cancers in their own genetic makeup.
If you want to take part in this critical and often life saving research you can contact the research team directly. The leading lady is DR Katherine Gordon Smith and she can be contacted on 0212 301 2361 or at moodresearch@contacts.bham.ac.uk She is particularly interested in women who have had a period of 'elevated mood' or mania as is sometimes called. However I'm sure she would only be too happy to hear from anyone who is willing to help with this valuable study.
Blessings as usual. Suzi AKA Caroline Church x
The BDRN or Bipolar disorder and Postpartum Research is conducting the largest study so far and 6000 individuals have already taken part in these studies. However more help is needed and as we already know that mood disorders have a genetic trait, blood samples are still needed in order to find a cure. I am one of the 6000 women who has already taken part and it couldn't have been more interesting. One of the researchers travelled for several hours to visit and interviewed me with regards to my own illness. She then took a blood sample which was analysed, along with thousands of others in the hope that it will shed some light on the evil that is Postnatal illness. I am delighted to be part of this cutting edge research which delves deep into the DNA and tries to isolate that gene or genes responsible. It had the added bonus of helping me understand the illness, and that it was something in my genetic make up and not of my own making. In other words, it freed me of the guilt so many of us sufferers have with regard to our own situations. It was unavoidable, and I was always going to be ill, just as some people have heart disease or cancers in their own genetic makeup.
If you want to take part in this critical and often life saving research you can contact the research team directly. The leading lady is DR Katherine Gordon Smith and she can be contacted on 0212 301 2361 or at moodresearch@contacts.bham.ac.uk She is particularly interested in women who have had a period of 'elevated mood' or mania as is sometimes called. However I'm sure she would only be too happy to hear from anyone who is willing to help with this valuable study.
Blessings as usual. Suzi AKA Caroline Church x
Wednesday 21 January 2015
Could your insomnia be caused by your hormones?
When I was poorly and before I had my hysterectomy, I would often have sleeping issues which would leave me oversleeping (sometimes even needing to sleep during the day) and then the opposite, where I would often wake up with a start, and would then be awake with for several hours. The result would be an inability to cope with the day ahead, and then a compulsion to sleep, and so the cycle goes on . If you've ever suffered from insomnia you will be familiar with this pattern, which can often leave you despairing and reaching for sleeping tablets, or worse, alcohol which has the added ability to wake you suffering from dehydration. Sometimes I would wake with a racing heart and sometimes my mind would be going over and over on an endless loop as the adrenaline flooded my system, and fuelled my sense of impending doom.
After reading and learning about hormones and discovering that I had a hormonal illness, I found a perfect solution to my insomnia, and that is natural progesterone. My body was clearly having issues maintaining equilibrium, and so I used this amazing medicine to help me with my sleeping problems, particularly if I awoke in the early hours. To make sure however, that it wasn't only me that this could work for, I just conducted the same experiment on a friend to be sure that it wasn't just a happy coincidence.
This particular friend is one of my 'hormonal sisters' and has had health issues for sometime with PMS, mood swings and crippling insomnia which again would leave her suffering from exhaustion, and would even enhance her mood swings. As an experiment, I asked her to use some Progesterone with a small snack before bed, and then again if she awoke in the night which she did. By Day 1 her sleeping had already improved, and by day 2 and 3, she was astonished by her new sleep pattern. She even noticed that the 'quality' of her sleep had improved and she was able to sleep more soundly and deeply. This I might add was after several weeks of lying awake and catastrophizing, which I can assure you is deeply unpleasant and has the ability to ruin your life. I'm delighted that it has worked for her and it adds weight to my book 'I blame the Hormones' where I explain perfectly how hormones are often overlooked and completely misunderstood. Another bonus to this is that her PMS this month is also non-existent, which at times was severe and debilitating and had required medical intervention.
Before you use natural progesterone, which you can by easily online, you should always have a chat with your GP as some women are intolerant to both, the natural and synthetic kind. However, if you have been suffering from any hormonal issues, you can always give it a try and should ask your doctor for a prescription. The particular brand I use is called CYCLOGEST and has the added bonus of being cheaper, and can work within the first hour of using. The only side effect is a little gastric wind, but it is in my experience that this soon passes the more your body gets used to the suppository. The progesterone cream can be purchased easily enough, and you rub it into the skin where it is easily metabolized and can lessen any troublesome symptoms, particularly pre-menstrual mood swings.
For further reading on the miracle that is our hormones, I would take look at an amazing website by an amazing lady (Sonya),at www.hormonesoup.com/ where you can find tons of information about women's health issues, and where there is even a television channel for this sole cause!
Please let me know your thoughts on this topic and let me know if it works for you, Suzi, AKA Caroline Church x
After reading and learning about hormones and discovering that I had a hormonal illness, I found a perfect solution to my insomnia, and that is natural progesterone. My body was clearly having issues maintaining equilibrium, and so I used this amazing medicine to help me with my sleeping problems, particularly if I awoke in the early hours. To make sure however, that it wasn't only me that this could work for, I just conducted the same experiment on a friend to be sure that it wasn't just a happy coincidence.
This particular friend is one of my 'hormonal sisters' and has had health issues for sometime with PMS, mood swings and crippling insomnia which again would leave her suffering from exhaustion, and would even enhance her mood swings. As an experiment, I asked her to use some Progesterone with a small snack before bed, and then again if she awoke in the night which she did. By Day 1 her sleeping had already improved, and by day 2 and 3, she was astonished by her new sleep pattern. She even noticed that the 'quality' of her sleep had improved and she was able to sleep more soundly and deeply. This I might add was after several weeks of lying awake and catastrophizing, which I can assure you is deeply unpleasant and has the ability to ruin your life. I'm delighted that it has worked for her and it adds weight to my book 'I blame the Hormones' where I explain perfectly how hormones are often overlooked and completely misunderstood. Another bonus to this is that her PMS this month is also non-existent, which at times was severe and debilitating and had required medical intervention.
Before you use natural progesterone, which you can by easily online, you should always have a chat with your GP as some women are intolerant to both, the natural and synthetic kind. However, if you have been suffering from any hormonal issues, you can always give it a try and should ask your doctor for a prescription. The particular brand I use is called CYCLOGEST and has the added bonus of being cheaper, and can work within the first hour of using. The only side effect is a little gastric wind, but it is in my experience that this soon passes the more your body gets used to the suppository. The progesterone cream can be purchased easily enough, and you rub it into the skin where it is easily metabolized and can lessen any troublesome symptoms, particularly pre-menstrual mood swings.
For further reading on the miracle that is our hormones, I would take look at an amazing website by an amazing lady (Sonya),at www.hormonesoup.com/ where you can find tons of information about women's health issues, and where there is even a television channel for this sole cause!
Please let me know your thoughts on this topic and let me know if it works for you, Suzi, AKA Caroline Church x
Friday 9 January 2015
Can Cannabis be medicinal?
As an activist and writer, I am involved in lots of different forums from all different countries which have been vital when I've been researching, but also have the added bonus of putting me in touch with other sufferers. It is so helpful to know when you are poorly that you are not alone and these forums have been essential in my recovery and obtaining vital information. Sufferers can also swap coping strategies and the latest findings, which sometimes includes medical text and available treatments.
Time and time again the subject of cannabis arises and whether it can be used for medicinal purposes, particularly depression and emotional mood disorders. Here's my story and why I don't think it should be used if you have a depressive illness.
I know some people use cannabis for certain disease states, including Multiple Sclerosis and even Cancer and I used to use it for many years to help me relax. In fact I used it continuously throughout my twenties and well into my 30's to help me cope with my loneliness and inability to face up to my own depression. So in other words, I used it to help me cope with the daily grind of life and whatever that entailed at that particular time. I sometimes used alcohol in the same way, and would always have an emotional crutch in some way shape or form, in the hope that it would mask my low self esteem and in particular my rages and internalized anger which was part of my disorder. One particular evening, and this was after many years of smoking without adverse effects, I had the most awful of reactions, and what started as a panic attack quickly escalated into what can only be described as a terrifying psychosis with hallucinations thrown in. I was in the most awful of states and had to ask a friend to sit with me until the effects wore off, which incidentally was many hours after I had smoked. We came close to calling an ambulance which in hindsight is what we should have done!!
This reaction was so profound, I honestly swore never to smoke again, and thankfully never did, my cannabis days were over! I believe now, that the evidence speaks for itself and there can be a point that anyone can tip over the edge, regardless of whether they have emotional difficulties or not. However, if you do have a mental disorder, regardless of whether its hormonal, bipolar or schizophrenia then you are even further at risk. There is also some new research which is coming forward regarding the adverse effects of cannabis use if you have ADHD for example, and this can cause further mental illness later in life. It really doesn't seem worth it when you think of the long term effects and the damage it can do to an already fragile mind, although I know that others disagree with me. It seems to be that until you have that one adverse response, where you have been frightened out of your wits, you simply don't believe it can happen to you. From bitter experience I can tell you that it does and can have very serious consequences with some even needing hospital admission until their psychosis has passed. Some sadly, never recover and I have spoken to a few that have needed ongoing and long term care after a bad experience.
Fortunately for me, just having that one bad episode, was enough to stop me from smoking and for that I am eternally grateful. I no longer want to take the risk of tampering with something that I know is very precious, and that is the human mind.With this latest and all encompassing research which is available to us now, I simply don't think its worth it and we have to find another way to help us relax which doesn't involve putting ourselves at risk of psychological damage.
If you are having problems with cannabis use you can call Narcotics Anonymous UK on 0300 999 1212 who have helped many people I know and have an excellent reputation. They also helped me many years ago when I thought quite wrongly that I wouldn't be able to relax without it.
Blessings. Suzi.
Ps. Reviews of my book needed please, Thank you xx
Time and time again the subject of cannabis arises and whether it can be used for medicinal purposes, particularly depression and emotional mood disorders. Here's my story and why I don't think it should be used if you have a depressive illness.
I know some people use cannabis for certain disease states, including Multiple Sclerosis and even Cancer and I used to use it for many years to help me relax. In fact I used it continuously throughout my twenties and well into my 30's to help me cope with my loneliness and inability to face up to my own depression. So in other words, I used it to help me cope with the daily grind of life and whatever that entailed at that particular time. I sometimes used alcohol in the same way, and would always have an emotional crutch in some way shape or form, in the hope that it would mask my low self esteem and in particular my rages and internalized anger which was part of my disorder. One particular evening, and this was after many years of smoking without adverse effects, I had the most awful of reactions, and what started as a panic attack quickly escalated into what can only be described as a terrifying psychosis with hallucinations thrown in. I was in the most awful of states and had to ask a friend to sit with me until the effects wore off, which incidentally was many hours after I had smoked. We came close to calling an ambulance which in hindsight is what we should have done!!
This reaction was so profound, I honestly swore never to smoke again, and thankfully never did, my cannabis days were over! I believe now, that the evidence speaks for itself and there can be a point that anyone can tip over the edge, regardless of whether they have emotional difficulties or not. However, if you do have a mental disorder, regardless of whether its hormonal, bipolar or schizophrenia then you are even further at risk. There is also some new research which is coming forward regarding the adverse effects of cannabis use if you have ADHD for example, and this can cause further mental illness later in life. It really doesn't seem worth it when you think of the long term effects and the damage it can do to an already fragile mind, although I know that others disagree with me. It seems to be that until you have that one adverse response, where you have been frightened out of your wits, you simply don't believe it can happen to you. From bitter experience I can tell you that it does and can have very serious consequences with some even needing hospital admission until their psychosis has passed. Some sadly, never recover and I have spoken to a few that have needed ongoing and long term care after a bad experience.
Fortunately for me, just having that one bad episode, was enough to stop me from smoking and for that I am eternally grateful. I no longer want to take the risk of tampering with something that I know is very precious, and that is the human mind.With this latest and all encompassing research which is available to us now, I simply don't think its worth it and we have to find another way to help us relax which doesn't involve putting ourselves at risk of psychological damage.
If you are having problems with cannabis use you can call Narcotics Anonymous UK on 0300 999 1212 who have helped many people I know and have an excellent reputation. They also helped me many years ago when I thought quite wrongly that I wouldn't be able to relax without it.
Blessings. Suzi.
Ps. Reviews of my book needed please, Thank you xx
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