Why I wrote my book.

I decided to write my book about 5 years ago but wanted to wait until my third child had reached pre-school age so that I could focus on getting it right. I didn't tell anybody I was doing it and I think it has taken a few people by surprise mostly because not everyone knew that I had suffered from depression. So how do you write a book?

For anyone that wants to do the same I would firstly order a copy of The Writers and Artists yearbook which is the Authors 'bible' in terms of what to do and how to do it. This gave me further insight into what writing entails, how to find agents and publishers and what to expect within the whole process. Secondly, once I was happy with my manuscript, I enlisted the help of  The Writers Workshop who help writers like me and give tough and honest feedback in the form of a report written by an accomplished and published editor. This has been immensely helpful and has helped me structure the book and strengthen the narrative,so worth every penny.

For anyone that is thinking of doing this business of writing, I found scheduling the time extremely important and stuck rigidly to writing on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays once I had the children in school ( coffee mornings are out) and I found that was the only way to maintain focus . I am extremely lucky as I also have a very supportive husband who has helped me when I've felt like giving up  (which is also part of the whole process of writing). Trust me it is hard and has given me many sleepless nights , particularly as its a memoir and so I am essentially laying myself bare!

Lots of people have been asking me when the book will be published and I can only say at this point that I have signed an  agreement and the book will be published, but as yet I have no release date. Its a long slow process and has taken even longer to get here, some eight years of research and two years writing, which is the harder business of writing a book as patience is the key. As soon as I hear more I will let everybody know, but in the meantime I will still be raising awareness and hoping to help anybody that has depression. It is because of my own illness and the subsequent misery, that I have now dedicated the rest of my life to helping people with this dreadful affliction which is all too prominent in society today and on the increase.

Have a great weekend. Suzi x

Why do I blame the hormones??

Many years ago was suffering from so many physical ailments along with my depression and anxiety that I felt sure that my immunity was being compromised somehow. In fact I began to realize and just had a hunch that there was more to my illness than just low mood or a general depressive disorder. I was suffering from all manner of infections and I would often have swollen joints and various aches and pains which were mostly centered around my lower back and in the groin area. I also began to suffer from acne and seemed to spend more time in the doctors surgery than out. I was so convinced that I had a hormonal issue that I started to research, firstly at the library where my son would sleep in his buggy, and then later I began to read books by senior medical professionals who rightly convinced me that I did have a hormonal problem which was creating a cycle of profound mental and physical ill health.

Some 10 years later I am still reading, and am I fascinated by hormones and how they can effect our mood and indeed "mimic" mental illness, even creating a schizophrenic like syndrome in some poor women.
There are many causes of depression, some are a reaction to life events such as abuse, disturbed childhood, trauma and parental issues, but my illness was caused by the huge fluctuations and hormone sensitivity. I must add that if somebody does have disturbed and critical life events, such as I have mentioned above, these will always have a disturbing effect on our mind and body systems and go on to destabilize our hormone balance creating a cycle of ill health. Any stressful event in our life will therefore go on to damage our hormones which is something to consider when looking at the whole picture of this female depression.

For further information and vital reading I would start with,

Depression after childbirth. By Dr Caterina Dalton.
The PMS Bible. Also by Dr Caterina Dalton
Balance your hormones By Patrick Holford.
It must be my hormones by Dr Marion Gluck

And most importantly and with sincerest thanks,

Reproductive depression is the depression in women that is related to the hormonal changes of the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and the menopause and is manifested clinically as premenstrual syndrome,postnatal depression and climacteric depression. These three components occur in the same vulnerable women and will normally have a history of premenstrual syndrome, premenstrual dysphoric disorder and then develop postnatal depression. When the periods return after giving birth the depression becomes cyclical as PMS. These three conditions are effectively treated with bio-identical hormones which should be a first choice therapy but can be used along with antidepressants. The critical time to prevent long term mood disorders is the correct treatment of postnatal depression.
Professor John Studd, London PMS and Menopause Center. March 2012.

The shame and stigma of Depression

This post was designed to help those who have depression, whether its hormonal, or otherwise deal with the feelings of shame which quite often surface once you have been diagnosed.
Many people have approached me in recent weeks and have often said how surprised they are that I have had depression and how well I must have hidden it. In fact I have been suffering from hormonal depression since I was a teenager which escalated rapidly and dangerously after the birth of my second child. Until then I was able to pretend it wasn't happening and often hid my feelings from all who knew me.
Most people with depression will go to great lengths to disguise their own inner turmoil which stems from being ashamed and demoralised and is often a result of the depressive illness itself.  I somehow felt as though I were to blame and had bought the illness on by myself ,which of course led to low self worth and feelings of guilt.
To help others see that depression is an illness that can happen to anyone and to help them realise that they are not alone, I have compiled a list of fellow sufferers. I hope it helps.
Fern Britton.
Melinda Messenger.
Katie Price.
Beverley Callard.
Brooke Shields
Britney Spears
Stephen Fry
Adam Ant
Frank Bruno
Robbie Williams.
Have a great weekend, Suzi.

Postnatal Depression

I have decided to write about this subject in light of the compelling episode on Call the Midwife which I felt was handled so sensitively last week.
As a sufferer of PND I still find it so hard to understand why so little is known about this illness and feel strongly that more needs to be done to raise awareness, and indeed educate people, particularly when you consider how it can often be fatal to the suffering mother. When you consider that this illness comes along just when one is supposed to feel elated and joyful, I find this element of hormonal depression particularly cruel and brutal.

Here's what we do know.

PND is irrespective of circumstances or social standing and is not a state of mind but a biochemical abnormality so therefore an illness.

PND often starts with a manic episode and then rapidly descends into severe depression which can sometimes lead to suicidal urges.

PND often disguises itself  with severe irritability, mood swings, panic attacks, nightmares and episodes of depersonalization ( feeling strange and as though you are in a dream  state). It can also show symptoms of OCD and heightened behaviour. Feelings of being overwhelmed and tearfulness are sure to follow as the illness takes hold in the days and weeks after birth.

PND can escalate rapidly and as shown on Call the Midwife, the lady ended up with Postpuerpal Psychosis which is a serious condition which often requires hospitalization. This is a result of the massive hormonal fluctuations after birth which somehow, again leads to a change in brain chemistry. Whenever I hear of any women suffering from PND or worse, PPP my heart breaks as I know only too well that it ruins the time you have with your baby and is the most awful of postnatal tragedies.
My hope for the future is that more women will be diagnosed quicker which can often shorten the duration of the illness and hasten recovery. This is difficult to achieve as often many women will hide their real feelings and have a sense of shame and even wonder if the baby will be taken from them.

Part of my strategy when I decided to write my book was that I would do it for all suffering women and I am now heavily involved with Action on Postpuerpal Psychosis at Cardiff University and also NAPS which is the National Association for PMS. These amazing medical professional are desperately trying to isolate the genes that are responsible for causing so many women to become so very poorly in what is essentially the most critical years of their lives.

If you think you may have PND or any other form of hormonal depression, don't hide it as it will only get worse if left untreated.  Tell somebody, anyone and the help will come as there is often many treatments available. You can also call the Association of Postnatal Illness who will help and comfort you enormously on 0207 386 0868.

I hope you have found this blog helpful. Please leave a comment in the box as any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Happy Saturday
Suzi xx

Hormone Sensitivity

I have had some extremely good news regarding my book. I will keep you all posted but in the meantime, I'm going to try to explain what it means to be sensitive to your hormones. Over the last couple of years and when researching for my book I have been speaking to lots of women who have

the same illness as me and are suffering with either postnatal illness or premenstrual syndrome. Without exception they all are sensitive to their hormones and some even say that they feel that they have an allergy or are intolerant to them, particularly at ovulation when the "mad women" moves in. Some say to me that they have a "Jekyll and Hyde" personality change and this is what some doctors say is a hormone sensitivity.
It doesn't matter how many hormones your body is producing, or even whether you are producing enough, but some women and its not clear why, suffer a catastrophic change when their hormone levels fluctuate, which is why the most serious symptoms occur at puberty, childbirth and ovulation.
When this sensitivity occurs, it interferes with the brain chemistry which can be extremely serious and often results in depression, anxiety and symptoms which are similar to mental illness.
I am personally involved with lots of medical professionals who are desperately trying to figure out why this happens and are at present trying to isolate the genes which cause this sensitivity. They are working tirelessly to help women like me who are often desperate, suicidal and whose lives are compromised by this dreadful illness.
As so many women are affected by this, approximately 1 in 10, it is vitally important that awareness is raised and more women can see the correlation between their symptoms of depression and this so called sensitivity. This is why it is so important to keep a "menstrual chart" so that you can see the timing of your symptoms (I still have mine from ten years ago). Trust me, when you start to keep a meticulous diary of your symptoms you too will have a 'light bulb' moment when you realise that you have this hormonal illness and it can be very empowering as you take control of your depression.Once you have this information you can decide on the appropriate treatment which is often simple and life changing in the form of natural hormones. This will keep your sensitivity to a minimum without the enormous fluctuations that are causing you to be so unwell.
With grateful thanks to Mr Nick Panay and all the team at The Chelsea and Westminster Hospital who have finally enabled me to regain my health, and indeed my sanity.
I hope my blog is easy to understand, if you are reading please send me some feedback as Id love to hear your thoughts.
God Bless. Suzi xx