Two years ago today I had a hysterectomy. I also had my ovaries removed in the hope that it would cure my depressive episodes which were related to my hormonal cycle and had ruined some of the best years of my life. Even though this may seem radical (particularly to those that haven't suffered from this mood disorder) I really felt that it was my last chance at gaining some sense of normality in what was becoming an unbearable day to day existence with nowhere else to turn..
So what has happened since? And has it worked? Could I have been wrong and maybe it wasn't a hormonal disorder at all!
The answer to the above is that by the time I had made the decision to have major surgery, I knew it would work because I had researched every available text and paper I could get my hands on. I had also spoken to numerous health professionals and also sufferers that had also had the same operation. In short, I couldn't wait to have this organ removed that had already destroyed so much of my life.
To clarify, I no longer have mood swings, I no longer have screaming tantrums, I no longer have the compulsion to sleep and I don't feel tearful and overwhelmed by the most mundane of tasks. The mental chatter and racing have stopped, and I haven't had an attack of shingles in 2 years. I can also go shopping and face people without feeling panicked and terrified. I'm altogether a different person who is well and together for the first time in my whole life. What a miracle that is!!
You can now pre-order a copy of I blame the Hormones on Amazon which I have written with the sole intention of helping other sufferers. Please buy a copy or two and help raise awareness of how being a women can literally send you mad.
Peace and Love.
S x
Saturday, 29 November 2014
Thursday, 13 November 2014
Last nights Broadmoor Documentary.
Last night, and indeed last week, my husband and I watched with great interest the Broadmoor documentary on television. It gives a fascinating insight into life inside Broadmoor and the patients and staff that are behind these mysterious walls. My heart goes out to anyone that has suffered from mental illness, but I was also absolutely amazed by the standard of care and the professionalism of the staff and doctors, who are often working in the most dangerous of situations, with people that are extremely ill. The compassion and understanding that they showed was second to none and it made me feel extremely proud to be living in a country with such a wonderful national health service and such dedicated health care professionals.
Here is what I noticed. Without exception, all of the patients had troubled childhoods and were often victims of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. They quite often had been institutionalized from a very young age, so they had been in care or quite often in prison before their illness became paramount.
Secondly, almost all of them had suffered from an addiction which included alcohol or recreational drugs and sometimes even both as part of their illness. This then exacerbated the condition and massively contributed to a worsening state of mind often leading to delusions and then a psychosis .
So what came first the illness or the addiction? Was the illness a symptom of the addiction, or was the addiction responsible for their emotional disorder? For me its hard to say and the documentary so far has not given any leads. However its hard not to see the correlation between the two issues which often go hand in hand with the suffering person and will only worsen any illness.
The other thing I noticed when the patients were talking about their personal history, and is something to bear in mind if you are a parent, and that is they all spoke about feeling 'unloved' as a child, a nuisance even, and that made me feel incredibly sad as I contemplated how they must have felt during the early years of their life. You could almost sense the loneliness as they spoke and the sense of isolation that they had felt.
If there's anything to learn from this, it has to be that human beings need and deserve unconditional love during the most formative years, and it is this love which will prevent a change in brain chemistry and can help us become balanced and stable adults there after. We can literally prevent mental illness by flooding our children with love and affection or simply by making them feel secure.
For further reading on this fascinating subject I would read ' WHY LOVE MATTERS by Sue Gerhardt who is amazing psychotherapist and who really has proven that affection can actually shape a baby's brain.
For extra support, Alcoholics Anonymous - 02078330022
OR Narcotics Anonymous - 03009991212
Stay well and cuddle your children loads.
Suzi x
Here is what I noticed. Without exception, all of the patients had troubled childhoods and were often victims of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. They quite often had been institutionalized from a very young age, so they had been in care or quite often in prison before their illness became paramount.
Secondly, almost all of them had suffered from an addiction which included alcohol or recreational drugs and sometimes even both as part of their illness. This then exacerbated the condition and massively contributed to a worsening state of mind often leading to delusions and then a psychosis .
So what came first the illness or the addiction? Was the illness a symptom of the addiction, or was the addiction responsible for their emotional disorder? For me its hard to say and the documentary so far has not given any leads. However its hard not to see the correlation between the two issues which often go hand in hand with the suffering person and will only worsen any illness.
The other thing I noticed when the patients were talking about their personal history, and is something to bear in mind if you are a parent, and that is they all spoke about feeling 'unloved' as a child, a nuisance even, and that made me feel incredibly sad as I contemplated how they must have felt during the early years of their life. You could almost sense the loneliness as they spoke and the sense of isolation that they had felt.
If there's anything to learn from this, it has to be that human beings need and deserve unconditional love during the most formative years, and it is this love which will prevent a change in brain chemistry and can help us become balanced and stable adults there after. We can literally prevent mental illness by flooding our children with love and affection or simply by making them feel secure.
For further reading on this fascinating subject I would read ' WHY LOVE MATTERS by Sue Gerhardt who is amazing psychotherapist and who really has proven that affection can actually shape a baby's brain.
For extra support, Alcoholics Anonymous - 02078330022
OR Narcotics Anonymous - 03009991212
Stay well and cuddle your children loads.
Suzi x
Monday, 3 November 2014
The release date for my book.
Lots and lots of people have contacted me with regards to my book and the release date so here goes! The book has just had a legal completed which has bought up some issues and this has unfortunately created a delay. The book was supposed to be published in early December but now it looks more like January providing all goes to plan. I have had to revise the manuscript accordingly and of course that has been time consuming and at times soul destroying as is normal with any publication. To date it has taken over two years to write and some 8 years of research, so you could say I've been very disheartened at times and even willing to shelve the whole project (no pun intended)!
Despite the problems and subsequent delays, in terms of getting a copy you can now pre-order on Amazon and you should have your copy delivered no later than the end of January. If there is any further delays then Amazon have been extremely efficient in letting all customers know by email. Please order a copy or maybe even 2 and help raise awareness of depressive illness, regardless of its origins. You may know somebody that needs help and it can even save lives if there are enough copies circulating. It can also help healthcare professionals understand the correlation between our hormones and the destabilizing effect they can have on ones mind which is all too often ignored or simply not picked up on.
In the meantime I have read a fascinating article today regarding those wonderful scientists at Northwestern University in Chicago. They have developed a blood test for depression which will hopefully speed up diagnoses and rapidly change the way that depression is treated. It had the added bonus of relaying what will be the most effective treatment, and which therapies stand the best chance of working. This to me is the miracle of science and is the next step in treating and understanding the genetics involved in this biochemical abnormality. Hopefully this will mean the next generation of sufferers will have another weapon in the fight against mental illness.
Thank you for ordering a copy of my book. God Bless.
Suzi xx
Despite the problems and subsequent delays, in terms of getting a copy you can now pre-order on Amazon and you should have your copy delivered no later than the end of January. If there is any further delays then Amazon have been extremely efficient in letting all customers know by email. Please order a copy or maybe even 2 and help raise awareness of depressive illness, regardless of its origins. You may know somebody that needs help and it can even save lives if there are enough copies circulating. It can also help healthcare professionals understand the correlation between our hormones and the destabilizing effect they can have on ones mind which is all too often ignored or simply not picked up on.
In the meantime I have read a fascinating article today regarding those wonderful scientists at Northwestern University in Chicago. They have developed a blood test for depression which will hopefully speed up diagnoses and rapidly change the way that depression is treated. It had the added bonus of relaying what will be the most effective treatment, and which therapies stand the best chance of working. This to me is the miracle of science and is the next step in treating and understanding the genetics involved in this biochemical abnormality. Hopefully this will mean the next generation of sufferers will have another weapon in the fight against mental illness.
Thank you for ordering a copy of my book. God Bless.
Suzi xx
Tuesday, 14 October 2014
Feeling poorly with depressive illness.
Depression, bipolar, , PMDD or indeed any emotional conditional will always give rise to various illness which can often be debilitating and severe enough for the sufferer to need extra support from their medical services. So many sufferers come to me and say that they have various aches and pains, and all manner of physical afflictions which go hand in hand with their depressive condition, whether its hormonal or otherwise.
Sometimes, when I was suffering myself, I seemed to spend so much time in the GPs office, I started to wonder if she thought I was neurotic or even delusional, even though I quite often had tonsillitis or worse, the dreaded shingles. I also suffered from excruciating lower back pain and my legs felt so heavy that I often wished I could chop them off and pop them in the corner of the room to give me a break from the pains in them!!!
It seems to be that a general cycle of ill health is part of the depression and even a symptom of it, and even though there are too many to mention in one blog, I have noticed a few that surface themselves more than others. They would include migraines, flu-like symptoms, swollen joints and burning tongue syndrome. It can also bring about food sensitivities and allergies along with a mind numbing lethargy which was one of my most disturbing symptoms. The subsequent lowered immunity can unfortunately last for some years, and quite often longer than the illness itself, as the body remains in fight-mode and desperately tries to recover.
In all honesty, I don't know why we have to be so poorly with emotional illnesses, its almost too much to bare being so physically unwell when you have so much to put up with. As if things couldn't be any worse! I remember a really nice doctor who explained that because your body is spilling out cortisol (which is a stress hormone) it is that chemical reaction in particular that can make one feel extremely unwell. It is imperative then that when you are having an episode, to find a way to relax, stay calm and practise deep breathing.
My relaxation of choice is the sauna and steam bath which has the added bonus of regulating your hormones, boosting the immune system and detoxifying the system. Some people like yoga, whilst some people use meditation, and really it is up to you decide on your own strategy for counteracting the effects of stress hormones and what they can do to your body. Once you have found your individual way of relaxation, you need to practise it regularly to assist your body in recovery even though modern life has many time restraints.
Another thing, when I was poorly I found that some GPs were more helpful than others. Some unfortunately were very dismissive of my situation and even questioned my diagnoses which did little to help. As well as your relaxation techniques which will help your body into recovery, you will need the assistance of a kind, caring and understanding doctor who you can see on a regular basis to help you cope with this physical element to your illness. If you find your doctor is unsympathetic,or patronising even,don't try to argue the point. Do the simplest and kindest thing you can do for yourself and that is, FIND ANOTHER ONE there are many out there that can help and have possibly even suffered themselves.
Stay well. Peace and love
Suzi x
Sometimes, when I was suffering myself, I seemed to spend so much time in the GPs office, I started to wonder if she thought I was neurotic or even delusional, even though I quite often had tonsillitis or worse, the dreaded shingles. I also suffered from excruciating lower back pain and my legs felt so heavy that I often wished I could chop them off and pop them in the corner of the room to give me a break from the pains in them!!!
It seems to be that a general cycle of ill health is part of the depression and even a symptom of it, and even though there are too many to mention in one blog, I have noticed a few that surface themselves more than others. They would include migraines, flu-like symptoms, swollen joints and burning tongue syndrome. It can also bring about food sensitivities and allergies along with a mind numbing lethargy which was one of my most disturbing symptoms. The subsequent lowered immunity can unfortunately last for some years, and quite often longer than the illness itself, as the body remains in fight-mode and desperately tries to recover.
In all honesty, I don't know why we have to be so poorly with emotional illnesses, its almost too much to bare being so physically unwell when you have so much to put up with. As if things couldn't be any worse! I remember a really nice doctor who explained that because your body is spilling out cortisol (which is a stress hormone) it is that chemical reaction in particular that can make one feel extremely unwell. It is imperative then that when you are having an episode, to find a way to relax, stay calm and practise deep breathing.
My relaxation of choice is the sauna and steam bath which has the added bonus of regulating your hormones, boosting the immune system and detoxifying the system. Some people like yoga, whilst some people use meditation, and really it is up to you decide on your own strategy for counteracting the effects of stress hormones and what they can do to your body. Once you have found your individual way of relaxation, you need to practise it regularly to assist your body in recovery even though modern life has many time restraints.
Another thing, when I was poorly I found that some GPs were more helpful than others. Some unfortunately were very dismissive of my situation and even questioned my diagnoses which did little to help. As well as your relaxation techniques which will help your body into recovery, you will need the assistance of a kind, caring and understanding doctor who you can see on a regular basis to help you cope with this physical element to your illness. If you find your doctor is unsympathetic,or patronising even,don't try to argue the point. Do the simplest and kindest thing you can do for yourself and that is, FIND ANOTHER ONE there are many out there that can help and have possibly even suffered themselves.
Stay well. Peace and love
Suzi x
Monday, 6 October 2014
When people just dont understand.
Depression and anxiety has many causes, and as we know there are lots of different forms of emotional disturbances with many different triggers. They range from Bipolar to Post traumatic stress and as in my case, hormones. When speaking to other sufferers I've noticed how many have not been believed, and many have been labelled attention seekers, or worse, shirkers and malingerers.
The worse story so far has to be the sad case of an adolescent who had attended a mental health unit to be told that he was 'putting it on' and later went onto take his own life. How awful that those that were supposed to be helping him, and had the most experience of mental illness didn't believe and support him in his darkest hour. To me that is incomprehensible and even unforgivable when you consider the circumstances surrounding this all too familiar case.
It is extremely difficult to describe how depression can make you feel, how dark everything becomes, and how acutely ill you can be. It is also extremely difficult to look after and care for the sufferer, and requires an abundance of patience and understanding. Quite often the sufferer is misunderstood, deemed lazy or even accused of making it up, and trying to make sense of your illness and explain it to others is tiring and stressful. This is often why people hide their feelings and even the illness itself, for fear of not being believed or understood. As I have written so many times before this can only exacerbate the sense of isolation and loneliness that the sufferer will be feeling.
When you read my book, you will see how I myself wasn't believed, was accused of being a drama queen and even had to convince my own GP that I needed help. This was despite the fact that some ten years on my diagnoses was confirmed by biological blood test. (I had almost non-existent hormone levels in my blood stream). How frustrating, and what a huge waste of time and effort to get the non-sufferer to understand my condition and get the help which I so desperately needed.
If you are a non-sufferer and you encounter someone that's poorly with any condition, regardless of its origin, PLEASE bare in mind that you have to have a chronic illness to understand it, and if you don't have that illness, it doesn't mean that it isn't there. Say something kind, it really does help.
Have a great day x
S x
The worse story so far has to be the sad case of an adolescent who had attended a mental health unit to be told that he was 'putting it on' and later went onto take his own life. How awful that those that were supposed to be helping him, and had the most experience of mental illness didn't believe and support him in his darkest hour. To me that is incomprehensible and even unforgivable when you consider the circumstances surrounding this all too familiar case.
It is extremely difficult to describe how depression can make you feel, how dark everything becomes, and how acutely ill you can be. It is also extremely difficult to look after and care for the sufferer, and requires an abundance of patience and understanding. Quite often the sufferer is misunderstood, deemed lazy or even accused of making it up, and trying to make sense of your illness and explain it to others is tiring and stressful. This is often why people hide their feelings and even the illness itself, for fear of not being believed or understood. As I have written so many times before this can only exacerbate the sense of isolation and loneliness that the sufferer will be feeling.
When you read my book, you will see how I myself wasn't believed, was accused of being a drama queen and even had to convince my own GP that I needed help. This was despite the fact that some ten years on my diagnoses was confirmed by biological blood test. (I had almost non-existent hormone levels in my blood stream). How frustrating, and what a huge waste of time and effort to get the non-sufferer to understand my condition and get the help which I so desperately needed.
If you are a non-sufferer and you encounter someone that's poorly with any condition, regardless of its origin, PLEASE bare in mind that you have to have a chronic illness to understand it, and if you don't have that illness, it doesn't mean that it isn't there. Say something kind, it really does help.
Have a great day x
S x
Monday, 29 September 2014
The curse of the sensitive person
When researching for my book 'I blame the Hormones' I've had the privilege of meeting many different people, from all walks of life who have suffered from many different types of emotional difficulties. These would include a full blown mood disorder, to post traumatic stress and bipolar, and I am delighted that I have had such positive feedback and am able to offer assistance to those that need it.
When I was a small child I suffered from anxiety ( yes even at a very young age) and it was quite obvious that my sensitive nature was indeed a sign of what was to come. I would often be tearful and seem to take things more to heart than others ,which left me vulnerable and overwhelmed on many occasion. I was also acutely sensitive to the world around me and often struggled to make sense of humankind and in particular the dark side of our world and all of its trepidations. Unfortunately I also became oversensitive with regards to my peers and often felt victimised or had a sense of not fitting in, despite my ability to hide behind a mask of confidence.
When fellow sufferers of depression contact me, and in particular those with hormonal depression, I have noticed that not only are they sensitive to their hormonal changes, but indeed they often have food sensitivities too, and can even suffer from allergies and intolerances as part of their symptoms.
It seems that the physical and mental often coincide, and the emotional difficulties go hand in hand with some physical manifestations. Sometimes there is even a heightened sensory awareness, with sound and light becoming intolerable and sometimes even painful which is extremely difficult to describe.
It seems to me that people that suffer from depressive episodes are quite often the ones that care the most, feel the most, and are the most compassionate of people. This is something to bear in mind if you are a sufferer and are feeling that sense of shame and stigma attached to a depressive diagnoses. One particular sufferer explained that her own doctor had told her that depression only happens to people that 'care', and this in itself can be a great comfort to those suffering from a sensitive and sympathetic nature. If you are feeling overly sensitive try to see it as a blessing and a natural part of your own personality, rather than something to be overwhelmed by. In my opinion it really is a better way to be, despite the obvious downsides.
Please share this blog with your friends and help the sensitive understand their sensitivity.
God Bless.
Suzi x
When I was a small child I suffered from anxiety ( yes even at a very young age) and it was quite obvious that my sensitive nature was indeed a sign of what was to come. I would often be tearful and seem to take things more to heart than others ,which left me vulnerable and overwhelmed on many occasion. I was also acutely sensitive to the world around me and often struggled to make sense of humankind and in particular the dark side of our world and all of its trepidations. Unfortunately I also became oversensitive with regards to my peers and often felt victimised or had a sense of not fitting in, despite my ability to hide behind a mask of confidence.
When fellow sufferers of depression contact me, and in particular those with hormonal depression, I have noticed that not only are they sensitive to their hormonal changes, but indeed they often have food sensitivities too, and can even suffer from allergies and intolerances as part of their symptoms.
It seems that the physical and mental often coincide, and the emotional difficulties go hand in hand with some physical manifestations. Sometimes there is even a heightened sensory awareness, with sound and light becoming intolerable and sometimes even painful which is extremely difficult to describe.
It seems to me that people that suffer from depressive episodes are quite often the ones that care the most, feel the most, and are the most compassionate of people. This is something to bear in mind if you are a sufferer and are feeling that sense of shame and stigma attached to a depressive diagnoses. One particular sufferer explained that her own doctor had told her that depression only happens to people that 'care', and this in itself can be a great comfort to those suffering from a sensitive and sympathetic nature. If you are feeling overly sensitive try to see it as a blessing and a natural part of your own personality, rather than something to be overwhelmed by. In my opinion it really is a better way to be, despite the obvious downsides.
Please share this blog with your friends and help the sensitive understand their sensitivity.
God Bless.
Suzi x
Monday, 22 September 2014
Thank you for sharing.
Last week I asked if lots of people could help me share my blogs in order to spread the word and help others with depression. I've had lots of feedback and have been contacted by many people, both male and female, looking for extra help and support. I'm often surprised by the many different reasons for depression, and indeed the enormous amount of situations that can bring about a sudden decline in mental and emotional health. Aside from the hormonal elements to any depressive episode, there was one other component which I have found to be almost always present when dealing with emotional disturbances, and that is the effect of long term, chronic stress.
Stress is peculiar because we all need a certain amount of stress to function and complete our daily tasks, some people even seem to thrive on it, whilst others seem to crumble with the slightest upheaval. However when that stress becomes chronic and long-term it can have a huge and detrimental effect on our mental and physical wellbeing. Often it is this type of stress, where the person begins to suffer from burnout which can cause the most damage, and has huge repercussions, often resulting in lowered immunity. It also has the ability to alter brain chemistry where the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline flood the system. The endless reasons for stress are too many to mention in one blog, but I have compiled a mini-list of the most stressful situations which have been presented to me by fellow sufferers and have without a doubt culminated into a clinical diagnoses..
Unresolved childhood baggage.
A bereavement.
Divorce or a relationship breakdown.
Stressful employment or loss of.
Shock eg, an accident
Serious illness.
Unmet emotional needs.
Physical or sexual abuse.
Hormonal disturbances and imbalance.
When you read my book, look on Amazon for details, you will see how I had almost all of the above which massively contributed to my depressive illness and the subsequent cycle of profound ill health. For further insight and reading I would read 'The feel good factor' by Patrick Holford who will help you with the real reasons behind your emotional issues.
God Bless
Suzi x
Stress is peculiar because we all need a certain amount of stress to function and complete our daily tasks, some people even seem to thrive on it, whilst others seem to crumble with the slightest upheaval. However when that stress becomes chronic and long-term it can have a huge and detrimental effect on our mental and physical wellbeing. Often it is this type of stress, where the person begins to suffer from burnout which can cause the most damage, and has huge repercussions, often resulting in lowered immunity. It also has the ability to alter brain chemistry where the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline flood the system. The endless reasons for stress are too many to mention in one blog, but I have compiled a mini-list of the most stressful situations which have been presented to me by fellow sufferers and have without a doubt culminated into a clinical diagnoses..
Unresolved childhood baggage.
A bereavement.
Divorce or a relationship breakdown.
Stressful employment or loss of.
Shock eg, an accident
Serious illness.
Unmet emotional needs.
Physical or sexual abuse.
Hormonal disturbances and imbalance.
When you read my book, look on Amazon for details, you will see how I had almost all of the above which massively contributed to my depressive illness and the subsequent cycle of profound ill health. For further insight and reading I would read 'The feel good factor' by Patrick Holford who will help you with the real reasons behind your emotional issues.
God Bless
Suzi x
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